Below I created a list of 5 things I learned from gangster rap. Obviously from the comfort of my mothers tidy home in suburban America.  This isn’t a top 5 by any means, simply a list. I’ll save the top 5 for a day when people actually care about what I have to say. Learn yourself some after the jump.

1.     “It ain’t good in the hood” Now… I would never have been able to come to this conclusion based on personal experience. Honestly, I still get nervous at 7-11 when I’m really high.  So you can only imagine the magnitude my nerves are amplified by when I’m walking down MLK, at night…by myself…listening to Drake. If it wasn’t for Ice Cube I may have even considered residency in order to save money on things that matter. Like CD’s.

2.     “Ain’t no such thing as halfway crooks” There is no glass half full crookin’ around here, you’re either drinking or you’re not. If it wasn’t for this Mobb Deep anthem, I might have actually considered becoming a crook. I mean, who hasn’t thought of taking money out of that basket they pass around at church?  I even kept my high school jersey until my mom made me return it.  But being the mama’s boy that I am, I would never be able to cut it as a full time crook. Shout out to those of you that can.

3.     “Real n*ggas don’t die, they just multiply” Talk about ways to make republicans angry…. This must make Shawn Kemp like the realest dude ever though. That guy has got the art of multiplication down to a T. For whatever reason this line makes think of Tupac the most. Although I’m pretty sure it was NWA that first brought the phrase to the masses (meaning upper-middle class suburbia).

4.     “What’s beef” Beef is when your moms ain’t safe up in the streets according to Biggie. Man, nothing better than some rapper beef from the comfort of my own home. For those of us that really (REALLY!!!) like rapper beef there is an entire series of DVD’s devoted to us appropriately titled “BEEF” parts 1 through 5 (I think). Sadly though, violence in the hip-hop world is real, Pac and Big are gone and Yung Berg just bought a new chain.  So as long as rappers have big egos and sensitive drake-like emotions, there will always be a place for beef in hip-hop.

5.     Bottles rhymes with models!!! Every rapper has said it, and if they haven’t are they really worth listening to? Seriously though, who doesn’t want to pop bottles with models? If you don’t, I’d rather we didn’t hang out. I even bet when Obama isn’t using the n word, rocking a Yankee fitted and grabbing his crotch he says it. You show me one person that doesn’t want to pop bottles with models and I show you a Debbie downer.

“Poppin’ bottles puttin’ super models in the cab” – Jay Z

Swag.