WHITE RAPPER THOUGHTS: My Top 10 Light Skinned Women of All Time

13 Oct

Everybody that knows LV knows I love me some light skinned women. In fact, I haven’t dated anything but caramel colored queens since I was dumped in front of my locker sophomore year. Seriously though, I don’t ever watch white on white porn. Coffee colored females (if you add cream) are my addiction. In fact if you’re a white rapper not dating an exotic looking female, then you probably think hooks don’t matter. Really, if you can’t comprehend the level of street credibility a light skinned woman is worth then you probably never liked Fresh Prince and maybe even licked your glue stick as a child. Below I made a list of my (MY!!) all time favorite light skinned b*tches.

10. Holly Robinson Peete

I know she’s a little older now, but in her Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper prime she could make even this hyperactive child sit put. Not to mention she married Rodney Peete, who just so happens to be a black quarterback (link). This combination can score you a great deal of points through the eyes of a white rapper.

9. Cassie

I know you’ve seen the pictures (white rapper thoughts is PG-13). Congratulations to Diddy and Ryan Leslie, more so Diddy these days.

8. Vivica A Fox

I spent an entire summer watching Independence Day every morning (on mamas). I even threw away my Get Rich Or Die Trying CD when I heard the news. I could have told you 50 wouldn’t treat you right Vivica.

7. Jessica Alba

I don’t even know what she is exactly; I just know you can’t trust a woman that looks like that.

6. Toni Braxton

Man I wanted to un-break her heart so bad. I still listen to that song at very low frequencies when no one is around. Toni gave me my first light skinned chub, and I’m talking one of those what’s-happening-to-me-type chubs. Respect.

5. Alicia Keys

Man f*ck Swizz Beats

4. Lauren London

Like you haven’t seen ATL at least 5 times. My white rapper senses seem to always go off when ATL hits my BET screen. I love me some New New. Shouts out to Weezy F, I would have knocked her up real quick like too.

3. Hilary Banks

When is the last time you heard somebody say something negative about The Fresh Prince? Exactly. Hilary was my first true love. It’s like she’s a white girl, but she’s not, you know?

2. Megan Good

Damn, I’ve spent the last half hour trying to decide which picture to use. That being said, Stomp The Yard just doesn’t get the respect it deserves. She stole my heart in 50’s 21 questions video. I bet he smashed!

1. Mya

I don’t care what anybody thinks. I still love her for telling me things are like whoa. I know its rumored she’s slept with numerous rappers and athletes (I’m a white rapper, who am I to judge). I don’t care. She had the nicest verse in the sweet lady marmalade cypher. She’d be the background on my phone if I could figure out how to do that. She’s the reason I set unrealistic expectations for what my girlfriend should look like. She defines everything that exemplifies being a shawtay and not a shawty. She was far from the basic b*tch, she was Da BaDDE$$+.

So shout out to all the educated light skinned girls with pretty teeth and good credit, I do it for you.

RIP Aliyah